Official Stance on Dissemination

Press Release from Golden Glass Global Independent:
Due to recent circumstances beyond our control, we have been forced to take a firm stance on dissemination and have subsequently fully launched our anti-dissemination campaign. Our board of directors have officially deemed the following as highly intolerable:

Dissemination
Propagation for Permanence
Promulgation
Dispersion/Dispersal
Circulation
Distribution
The Centre for Reviews and Dissemination (CRD)

Any company that is part of or affiliated with CRD including:
National Institute for Health Research
National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence
NIHR Service Delivery & Organisation Programme
NHS Institute for Innovation and Improvement
Social Care Institute for Excellence
Medical Research Council
Centre for Health Economics at the University of York
UK Cochrane Centre
International Network of Agencies for Health Technology Assessment
Public Health Research Consortium
Cochrane Collaboration’s Review and Methods groups
Steering and User groups of the Campbell Collaboration
Economic and Social Research Council
Department of Health Policy Research Programme

 

Anti-Dissemination Kits Available

Due to recent circumstances here at GGI, we find it necessary to engage in an all out war with the forces of dissemination. We have put together a dedicated kit to assist you in fighting the fight along with us. Kits can be purchased through your local representative, we recommend purchasing two kits for every member of your household.

Kits Include:
1 Mask
1 Carving Knife
1 Eclectic Blanket
1 Granola Bar

 

GGI Learns of Dissemination Outbreak

Recently we here at Golden Glass International have been looking into some of our business practices. Theres loads of money going here and there, but we don’t really have a working knowledge of what it goes to. Upon further investigation, there was this wizard fella working on our staff, disseminating datas all across the world. We found he had actually set up his own small business within our company. After firing him, we found he came in again the next day as if nothing had happened. We have fired him again and this time it stuck. Though this individual incident has been contained, we fear we are only beginning to understand the effects that this disseminator had on our company. We will be conducting an anti-dissemination campaign which will include information sessions, personal anti-dissemination kits and a series of audiobooks entitled “From the lies of dissemination to the reality of my life, where do I go from here”. Look for more details to follow and report to your manager immediately if you see this man.